Not getting something sucks, not getting something after you have been tantalized by the possibility of getting it sucks more. I wonder, even though the wondering changes nothing, whether never having something is better then having it in some limited sense or losing it after possessing it. Why o why does my heart yearn for the impossible whether it be people or things? I like people I cant have in this world because they were born too early, too late or not at all. I remember a friend mentioning how her soul mate was someone 20 years older then her and I cringed even then at the sadistic humor fate possess  while I admired incomprehensibly the equanimity with which she accepted whatever she could have without rancor or bitterness. At this point in life I find myself ironically yearning for people who are separated by age, position and more. Seems like the only ones I can like or wish to spend time with are the ones where disparity in everything makes it virtually impossible. Why, o why must I be tempted when there is no way to yield and if I just had to be subjected to this ordeal where do I get the forbearance to accept it and not hunger for more!!!! And despite all this the minimal contact does make me smile and sometimes even though that’s hardly enough I have to think about what the alternative would be were even this unavailable. Seems like the only truth in life is to lower your expectations to the point where they are met!!!!