When expectations collide with reality and disappointment the crash shakes you from inside out and yet like a glutton for punishment you still seek it out. Its like an addict who dreads withdrawal, knows the drug is going to be over soon and yet craves the high even if it ends up with him hitting rock bottom with renewed vengeance. Addiction to people is way worse then drugs, the withdrawal way more painful and yet so is the craving.

And I knew all this and more when I decided to succumb to temptation which is why I am where I am now. Just when I have decided that this is over the other side through a gesture or word does something which makes me hope again. I am sick of the dangling candy which is waved enticingly in front of my eyes almost within reach but somehow the ‘almost’ never translates to ‘there’and so I kneel in front of divinity and beg….beg that I either be given what I desire or the desire be deleted altogether from my heart.

They tell me you get a break when you have hit the lowest of the lows, by all measures this is it and I wait, wait for the break to come if ever. Yielding to temptations gives you a high to relieve tedium but then the inevitable low also beats all! Dear God please give me what I want or please, please ,please take away the desire!