I have successfully resisted the temptation to resist temptation and just given in to what I want to do knowing full well that it shall in all probability end in disaster, a disaster which shall harm none but me ensuring that the defense I built painstakingly over ages shall crumble to nothing in a second. Sometimes we know that the actions we contemplate defy all logic, scorn at wisdom and common sense and are enough to win laurels when it comes to cretinish foolery and yet we do it anyways…. I don’t even bother looking for reasons, the way I see it, if the only person who stands to lose is me and if I am okay (you always think you are in the present and in retrospect you never are!) with my idiotic excitement-of-the-moment action then so be it.

One of the reasons I miss medicine like crazy is also because it kept me too busy, too focused and too drained to give in to my self-destructive impulses. Its always better to be the one too busy for people then the other way round and surgical floors took care of any idle time and then of course I felt duty bound to change fields. So tomorrow I cave in and dine with a phantom from the past, a ghost of the future because I want to, or maybe because it’s the one break in the dreariness that’s life nowadays. If things go according to the agreement today I can look forward to food I have no idea about ,with someone I erroneously thought I knew, for sometime where the actual waiting till the anticipated moment are bound to be more exciting then the moment itself and for a brief respite for which I shall pay in thwarted expectations and more later. I have no doubts whatsoever about my insanity, and neither should you dear reader J