Death is final, death is cruel, death takes care of many questions while simultaneously leaving many eternally unanswered. Death closes many doors and yet at the same time may open others.  But I think what death does more then anything, more then making us aware of our own mortality is make us aware of our relationship with divinity.

On the one hand it makes me realize how trivial individuals are in the big picture but paradoxically at the same time it can also highlight how one person can be someone’s whole world. What death does most of all is point out how helpless we are in front of divinity. You don’t choose when you are born, you don’t die at a time of your choice and the in between is just an interlude. It makes me realize how I view god is not important for God but the be-all-end-all for me. I can rant and rave and curse and fume and view the higher presence as someone with a sadistic sense of humor who perversely can have a new baby or a new lease of life grace one person while ensuring another from the same family falls prey to death but and this is the big BUT this in the long run wont change the outcome. All it would do would be to make me bitter and cynical without anything else changing in the least. Or I can view god as a benign presence who knows better then me what is good for me, an omnipotent being who must be appear cruel at times in order to be kind in manners that my wit cannot comprehend, in short a god my mother believes in, one I want nay yearn to believe in. and after all this time how much I believe and what I believe are very grey but I do know that I need to believe in the benign version for if I don’t what is there to hold on to when everything fails. Like everyone else belief at times is a yearning of the inner child inside all of us, one that never grows up, for someone else, a grownup to take care of life’s problems after a certain point. Whatever the rationalization, I need god more then he needs me and that’s a starting point if nothing else, no?