New
phases in life are accompanied by excitement or so I see everywhere making me
think that’s the normal response. People going for language or for posting are
looking forward to financial benefits, career progression or if nothing else
exploring a new place and yet I feel nothing but blankness bordering on
desperation as I think about how yet again it’s such a blasted near miss from
working with a person I like. Coming to that, its amusing, perversely so how I
have gone from being completely indifferent and blasé about people to very
people-centric. I recall clearly how till college I was least bothered by all
and sundry as happy in company as without. Short attention span/fickleness
whatever you call it was one extreme and now perversely just when I can least
afford it I seem to have shifted to the other side.
The
main culprit I hold responsible for the resultant dumps and more dumps is
boredom, too much time without anything, repeat anything at all to engage the
molding grey cells or what is left of them. No wonder I crave a career which
leaves me time for nothing but exhausted slumber. Its way better to have others
wait then be on the waiting end and yet I see no chance of that happening. I am
so so so sick of the endless whining I seem to be infinitely capable of and yet
I don’t see what the alternative is. Yet another useless, futile post coming
up!
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