Few things are as abhorrent as being forced to smile and congratulate someone who gets something you desperately wanted and didn't get! other then feeling intensely hypocritical the guilt trip in retrospect at the mean pettiness rampant in your character is sickening, but not as sickening as the sense of longing and loss at what you didn't get! add the fact that the target was professional and you are, or deem yourself to be far more competent then the winner and the seething cauldron bubbles and smoulders more then the one the witches danced around.

I am sick of hearing how all good things come to those who wait, waiting does nothing but age thing, said aging turning grapes to vinegar rather then wine!

I am sick of listening to pearls of wisdom about God having a better plan in store if I just had the patience for it. Maybe He does, maybe He doesnt, all I know is He didnt see fit to bestow the virtue of patience on me! compulsive patience can give you a puckered mouth and gastric ulcers and maybe diabetis but the fruit is far from sight!

And last but not the least the whole thing reaches herculean proportions of a tragic farce when deep down is the niggling doubt that what I want, I want precisely because someone else got it and not for its own worth. What sort of twisted, creepy, psycho have I mutated to I ask .....